Long Week It Seems

This week feels like it has been an emotional roller-coaster for me. Still grappling with the fact that no matter how much I work at it, my body does not seems to want to make oodles of the boob juice (aka breast milk). I have been working very hard at pumping, but when my little Evelyn does not want to get put down that makes it a little harder. Tears have been shed, not going to lie. It is a frustrating process and at what point do you just say enough is enough? Plus then I feel guilty that maybe I am not working or trying hard enough at it, which trust me, ask James I am. (This is kind of a weird thing to post about but honestly it consumes so much of my time and thoughts, it feels good to just write it all out.) I just never expected something that is so "natural" to be so much work. I have to keep reminding myself that if Evelyn only gets formula that is not the end of the world. I am not quite ready to give up but just wondering at what point I will be. I only get 3 months off with her and I want them to be the most enjoyable (even though you are totally sleep deprived) time they can be. I think a little part of me is super selfish and I think, if we only do formula then I do not have to stay up and pump, etc which could potentially mean more sleep. But then I laugh and think, nah something else will keep me up and sleep deprived. I have to give a big shout out to all those moms who do breastfeed b/c I know it is a ton of work. I give you major props.

Still pretty tearful about Kat being in Georgia. It is a 'sensitive subject' bring it up with me at your own risk. I guess I also thought all these hormones would have worked their way out of my system by now, but that does not appear to be the case. Anybody know when you get to return to 'normal'??!?!? This past month has certainly been a challenge, I love my daughter more than anything but parenthood is not exactly what I expected. Oh well. Such is life sometimes.

Aight it is now bath time and time to feed miss Evelyn. Off I go.